Reckless Abandon
by Prongsie-Jamesie
Summary: one-shot. Based on Keri Noble's Bartender. How a little white lie changes Lily's perfect life forever!


_Disclaimer: I own George, the Bartender, and the plot! everything else you ask? oh. i know you wish it was me but, i have to admit its J.K. Rowling, her genius!_

_Hi! This is my first fic! i really hope you enjoy it! please review!_

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Bartender

The Three Broom sticks was nearly empty by 2:30 AM, but one near sleeping hooded wizard sat at a table in the corner, and another lost looking witch at the bar she was solitary _red-head _figure with a tale to tell.

"Bartender, another," she called in her mildly drunken voice. "And make it a double," she added. "Oh, God I can't go home...well back to Hogwarts anyway...I'm in some kind of trouble"

_Bartender another_

_And make it a double_

_I can't go home_

_I'm in some kind of trouble_

She had borrowed HIS invisibility and gone through the secret passage HE had shown her.

"Here is your bill Miss," the old tired bartender said. He stared into her deep pools of emerald with his own clear cerulean ones. "Would you like to talk about it?"

"What?" Lily Evans was stunned and a bit taken aback for a second.

"If you don't its okay...it's just being a bartender for so many years you talk to lots of different folk. Once I was told by a seer that I would meet THE Harry Potter. I had no clue who that was, and still don't, but she said that in time I would." At the name 'Potter' her head perked up. "Well I'm babbling again but I see lots of people and creatures, and most...if you don't mind me saying...that are in a state like yours tend to have something to talk about."

She looked once more into his clear blue eyes. Surrounded by the gray/white hair and aged face. 'Well I guess I'll give him a shot.'

Her eyes drifted around the bar and settled on her reflection. The drink in her hand continued to fizz. Lily took a deep breath and then started, "It started so innocently...you know? He was just my transfiguration tutor ...actually one of my worst enemies. Hmm...I guess I did have a small feeling for him stored up." Lily sighed louder than she had intended, then started again, "But, it's too late I can't get out...I'm too deep in."

_What started so innocently_

_Turned to sin_

_And I can't get out_

_I am too deep in_

"Have you ever had everything you'd ever wanted?" She had started again, "You know A good life, good friends...hmm...and a loving companion?" She stopped looking thoughtful. "Well I did. Go ahead and take a hard look. But pay real close attention. I threw it all away with reckless abandon. I mean I was the ideal girl." She paused for a second and let her stunning freckled face be covered up by her loose red hair as a single tear escaped from her amazing eyes. She quickly brushed it away.

_Have you ever had everything you'd ever wanted_

_A good life, good friends and a loving companion_

_Well take a hard look and pay real close attention_

_I threw it all away with reckless abandon_

When she started again her voice was filled with anger, sorrow and regret. "Umm...well at least that was what everyone else thought." The wizard in the corner made a move to leave but stopped when Lily started up again. "James Potter, umm," the bartender could tell she was trying to hold back the waterfall of tears. "He was the tutor and George," her voice was now shaking, "George Wilkins he was the perfect boyfriend. But when I was with James and we were practicing transfiguration I finally realized that he wasn't just that arrogant, self-centered, asshole who was incapable of caring, but he had a heart and was actually was kind to me,"

Again the wizard in the corner shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

Another tear escaped through those beautiful eyes. This time she just let it slide down her face and onto the beautifully carved oak bar. But now her anger was directed at herself , "James, he was seeker for the Gryffindor Quidditch team and had these amazing caramel, hazel eyes. People saw the changes. He wouldn't hex me in the corridors anymore and I wouldn't yell at him every time I saw him. People would ask me what was going on between us and I would say nothing. Even George asked me," she was now openly crying, "and I told him nothing. I even told myself that. But I was lying to myself."

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_On a pair of caramel eyes_

_I found out how quickly I'd learned to lie_

"I know you must be thinking 'Oh Merlin, she's a slut'..."

The bartender started to object but she put a shaking hand up to stop him, "But, please don't judge me till you walk a full mile in my shoes." Her sobbing had subsided but she was still sniffling. "Things aren't always as they seem, because being with James was like falling asleep. Like I was in a different place. A different time. A different universe. A dreamland."

_Don't judge me till you've walked a mile in my shoes_

_Things aren't always as they seem_

The bartender thought he heard the wizard in the corner let a disbelieving sound escape from his lips, but excused it. However he did not excuse the fact that he had just seen the seventeen year-old girl smile.

"But when I was back with George...umm," she sniffled some more, "things were just so dull and monotonous compared to when I was with James. But I did not realize this until one day when I had to have a double session of tutoring due to the Pre-N.E.W.T. we were taking the next day...well that session we did quite a bit of bonding. And toward the end when I had finally gotten the spell right he said he was tired and I definitely agreed with him so we went back to the Head Dorm. Oh Merlin, now you're probably thinking that here you have Hogwarts Head Girl getting drunk before your eyes...well hopefully by the time I'm done you'll realize that I'm not completely mental." The puddle before her steadily started to grow once more.

"Umm we kissed. If was like no kiss I had ever experienced before. It was like we had this......I'm not sure how to explain it......like this connection. Well, whatever it was I did not have it with George."

The bartender handed her a handkerchief. Once her crying slowed she tried to finish her story but ended up sobbing again. So he waited for a few more minutes. Her eyes were red, her makeup smeared and her red hair was now a mess.

"James finally let go of me and our passionate kiss had ended. After a few awkward moments he said to me, 'I'm sorry.'" She took a deep breath and continued, "Then it hit me why he had said it. I already had a boyfriend. So I told a little white lie...wait...it was a big white lie...I told him that we had broke up. I don't know why I did it. I guess I just wanted a little more of James Potter. So, I grabbed him this time and kissed him this time the kiss was deeper. It was...like...explosive."

She took a second to reflect and chose her words carefully, "When I broke away from him and I could hear my heart pounding so loud I thought the whole castle could hear it. We said quite awkward good-byes and he headed to the Head Boy's Dormitory and I went to the Head Girl's Dormitory. Over the next couple of weeks we grew closer and closer. Until one day I was finally ready to call it quits with George. So I went to his dormitory and...," she started sobbing hysterically, "found him snogging my best friend Hestia. I spent the whole day crying. I didn't eat anything for the whole day now I realized I was the one whom had cheated on the other...but, I still felt betrayed."

Even though Lily could not see the bartender's face because her eyes were flooded with tears, she was sure he was sympathizing for her. She didn't want him to.

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_Cause being with him was like falling asleep_

_Going home was like waking from some kind of dream_

_The kind that you hope never ends_

_But real life is not something I can suspend_

The Wizard in the corner signaled to the bartender that he wanted another Fire-Whiskey. So when the bartender had come back and disposed of the change in the ancient register he began to listen to Lily's story again.

"James came to my dorm later," she started, "he asked me what was wrong and absentmindedly I told him that I had found my boyfriend snogging Hestia. And he lost it right then and there. He started yelling something about me telling him that I had already broke-up with George that asshole. And he left."

The bartender who had been listening silently now spoke, "Miss are you alright?"

She was mad at the bartender and wanted to yell at him. But, she stopped herself and calmly said, "No, because as soon as he walked out that door I had a whole new reason to cry...It was only then that I realized that spending all that time with him I had fallen......I had fallen in love with him."

Once more the overly large puddle of tears in front of her started to grow again.

"Well, that would be why I'm here. I'm here to drink him away...One more double please."

Bartender another

And make it a double

I can't go home

I'm in some kind of trouble

What started so innocently

Turned to sin

And I can't get out

I am too deep

Too deep

Too deep

In

The Bartender's advice was short but had a huge impact on her, "Fight for the things you want." With those words he went into the back room and left her with the check.

A drunken Lily left the bartender with an overly large tip, she laughed as she stumbled across the bar to the door. She was not taking in any of her surroundings until she fell face first into a snow drift. She lay there shivering in the cold and looking up at the stars. Soon enough she felt hot wet tears streak her face as she thought of George, Hestia, the bartender, the advice he had given her and lastly James. As her sobbing slowly subsided she began to laugh hysterically. Her laughter rang out through what she thought were the empty streets of Hogsmeade. Suddenly she could feel someone's eyes on her. Convinced that it was nothing, she continued laughing. As her laughter began to die down she closed her eyes. Then she heard footfalls nearing her. She opened her eyes to see a familiar hood staring down at her. It was the man from the bar. But, thinking that it was just a hallucination she began to push it away but found it was solid. She began to yell at it, "GO AWAY!! YOU'RE JUST SOME STUPID HALLUCINATION THING!"

The 'hallucination' didn't move. "WILL YOU JUST MOVE YOU BLOODY-"

The 'hallucination' began to speak, "Did you mean it?"

For a minute she was taken aback, "What?"

She had now clue who this was or what they were talking about. Then it dawned on her. This 'hallucination' was HIM.

"James?" She questioned.

"Did you mean everything you said in there?" He repeated.

"Every word." As she said this she began to cry yet again. He reached down and helped her up. Then in one motion he removed his hood and kissed her intensely on the lips. He did this so fast Lily had too little time to respond but quickly recovered kissing him back and feeling the same connection that she did the first time he kissed her.

A lone figure stood looking at the couple through the front window of The Three Broomsticks.

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_If enough people review this i'll add more. come on, you know you want more! lol. so just review!_

_-Alexis_


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